I live in California, home of sun-bronzed Gods and Goddesses of Hollywood, Gym Culture, and the Surf, Epicenter of the Cult of Thin. In California (and, I’ll wager, in all of the USA), we are trained to hate our imperfect bodies. I could make an argument that this is all the result of the Puritans abnegation of the flesh, blah blah blah, but that’s neither here nor there. What’s telling for me is the degree to which people hurt themselves, doing lasting harm to their bodies, in order to change them from what they are into something else. This isn’t just the diet industry that I’m talking about. Whether you’re overweight or fit, active or a couch-surfer, we are living in an environment that trains us to want our bodies to be other than what they are.

So enough with the negativity and cultural condemnation. What can each of us do about it? If what I’ve said thus far resonates with you personally, try this meditation on body forgiveness. It may sound a little corny, but it helps and works to release internalized Somaphobia (body hatred and fear):

Get naked and sit comfortably. Ease your breathing, and notice how deeply you’re breathing. Notice how slowly and easily you’re breathing. Place both hands on one of your feet. Don’t try to do anything to it just yet (ie, don’t massage or squeeze or stretch it), just feel how it feels between your hands, and feel how your foot feels when it’s being held. Say “I forgive you, foot, for ever not meeting my expectations. I accept and love you just as you are”. If it feels like it wants to be squeezed, give your foot a couple of gentle squeezes, almost like you would reassure a child or small animal, and release it. Repeat this on the other foot. Be loving! Be kind! Be silly! You’re talking to your foot like it’s a person; if that doesn’t make you feel a little silly, I’m not sure what will. Do it anyway. Name your body parts as you go, if it helps!

Place your hands on your ankle. Tell your ankle that you forgive it for not meeting your expectations, and that you love it and accept it just as it is. Take your time. You’re not doing yourself any favors by rushing through showing yourself how much you love and care for yourself. Repeat on the other side.

Now the calves, the knees, the thighs, the hips. Place your hands on your genitals. Forgive them. Tell them you love them. No, seriously. If you feel ridiculous, you’re probably on to something really worthwhile. Touch your bottom. Touch your anus. Forgive them for disappointing you, for not being what you wanted.

Forgive your belly, your love-handles, your low-back. Forgive and love your breasts, your ribcage, your sternum. Accept and be grateful and loving toward your shoulders, arms, armpits, forearms, hands, fingers. Accept and forgive and love your throat, neck, chin, jaw, skull (spend a little extra time on that place where your skull joins your neck - as a predominantly seated culture, we tend to carry more tension and see more problems here than other people).

Touch your face, bit by bit: lips, teeth, eyes, cheeks, nose, forehead, eyebrows, ears. Don’t leave anything or anyplace out. Forgive all the pieces of you that have disappointed and let you down. Accept them and love them as they are.

Now go look at yourself in the mirror (ideally, full-length). Tell your naked body that you forgive it for ever failing to meet your expectations of it. Finally, look yourself in the eyes in the mirror and forgive yourself for having expectations that your body be other than what it is, was, has been. Say “I love you, ______” [your name here]. “I forgive you and I love you.”

If you get stuck anywhere in this process, derailed or unable to continue, stop and reflect on where you got stuck and why. If you just can’t look yourself in the eyes and tell yourself that you love yourself, strive toward being able to - you deserve your own love first and foremost.