We’ve all noticed someone who’s got that certain magnetic something that everyone seems to respond to. I’ve always wanted to have the kind of presence that inspires a feeling of safety, calm, and wonderment, but have historically fallen pretty short of my goal. Recently, something’s changed, though. Instead of focusing on the kind of presence I project, I’ve been focusing on being extraordinarily present to what’s happening around me.

I’ve heard people in the self-help and new-age communities talking about being present to themselves and their environments before and even felt like I understood what they were talking about, but at the same time was constantly distracted by patterns of thinking and behaving that left me anything but present. Think about it this way: when you’re listening to someone talk and they make an interesting point, do you ever find yourself missing a few minutes of what they said after the interesting point because you’re off and running through your mind with this new and exciting notion? I know that this has been one of my patterns for as long as I can remember, and I also know that it no longer helps me get what I want.

Breaking old habits is a part of becoming more present to the world as it is. I’m talking about habits of getting lost in thought, of getting mired in details, of doing anything but simply paying absolute and unwavering attention to whoever you’re talking to or whatever you’re doing.

The solution? Practice being present. Instead of letting my mind wander, I focus on my breathing and noticing everything I can about what I’m doing or who I’m talking to. If I’m in a conversation, when I’m not talking, I’m listening with rapt attention, not just to what my conversational partner is saying, but to how they are saying it. I’m still working on this!

The major power of NLP for me has been precisely this: I am able to be more present by simply allowing myself to notice whatever patterns I notice about whoever I’m speaking with. I’m more present because I’m paying attention not to my thoughts about what they’re saying, but to what they’re saying and how they’re saying it. This increased presence has had huge payoffs for me. Firstly, I’ve noticed that people enjoy talking to me more, because I’m really listening to them instead of jumping ahead to what my response is. Second, I’ve found that the more I practice being present with people, the more present I’m able to be with myself, meaning I’m less judgmental, happier, and find myself often filled with a child-like wonder at the whole world.

And if child-like wonder isn’t a selling point, I don’t know what is!